For women who are tied to the moon, love alone is not enough. We insist each day wrap it’s knuckles through our heart strings and pull. The lows. The joy. The poetry. We dance at the edge of a cliff, you have fallen off. So it goes. You will climb up again.
You rare girl, once again, you have a body that belongs to no lover, to no father, belongs to no one but you. Wear your sorrow like the lines on your palm. Like a shawl to keep you warm at night. Don’t mourn the love that is lost to you now. It is a book of poems whose meters worked their way into your pulse. Even if it has slipped from your hands, it will stay in your body.
You loved a man who treated you like absinthe, half poison and half god. He tried to sweeten you, to water you down. So you left. And now you have your heart all to yourself again. A heart like a stone cottage. Heart like a lover’s diary. Hope like an ocean.” —Letter From Anais Nin to Clementine von Radics (After Marty McConnel)
You want to fix a friendship that we lost since 3 years ago.
You came up to me stuttering ( I basically didn’t understand what you were saying) but, now, that I’m okay to talk, as always, you would not even bother calling when I asked you to.
1) If you want to be friends again, can you please make it sincere. I’m open to fixing or starting all over again but, you also have to listen.
2) I wanted to talk about what happened not to reminisce about the past but, to reflect and straighten things out before starting again.
3) TRUSTing you is a very big issue for me. So listen, even if your ears bleed. In listening, we will both get to understand why it all happened so that we can start fresh and positive with this new friendship.
And now, finally, you admit that you can only love one person at a time.
At least you learned that now.
Please, I need the pictures of my paintings then, you can throw them away if you want to.
A couple of days ago, you asked me if we can be friends again.
I wasn’t really convinced because you were stuttering and everything that you said was all over the place.
All I understood from you were these statements:
1) “When you texted me with those words, I can’t accept it still…”
> I told him that I’ve already forgiven him since 2 years ago for being so selfish in using me as an excuse for his infidelity. I didn’t really understand this statement of what he can’t accept. Is it the fact that I’ve already moved on with what happened to our friendship or is it the fact that I can’t love him at all?
2) “Can we be friends?”
> Honestly, I’m not yet ready. I said yes because, I guess there might not be another time for such a (short and awkward) conversation as that. But, you have a new girl right now, and in my observation, you’ve juggled 2 (ex) girlfriends and 2 flings during surgery (and both of these flings are in the same group!) . We have our own kind of showbiz here in medicine. People will tell me even if I don’t ask them to. I DON’T WANT ANYMORE COMPLICATIONS. I left our toxic friendship because 1) I want to be happy. 2) You need to learn your lesson through the experience of losing a very dear (girl)-friend of yours.
> I don’t want to play a “pseudorole” in you hurting other girls. I know you’ve been telling them things about me and you that aren’t true. You charm them then, parade them while, I keep silent with my relationships. Come on…is that how big your insecurities are?
I don’t care about your relationship/s right now. I don’t care about whatever you’re doing to her/them at all. I JUST DON’T WANT MY NAME TO BE DRAGGED IN YOUR LIFE’S COMPLICATIONS (again)!
I’D RATHER BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL TRULY LOVE ME (ONLY ME) AND TAKE CARE OF ME THAN TO BELONG TO YOU as your #1…then, you have your #2, 3, etc.
I’d rather fall in love, if God permits, with someone who will love me and be a true best friend.